Its bloggin time! yeah its been a long time and finally i m into bloggin-mode!
the 2 days towards the wkend has been especially eventful!.really got me to rid the troubles off my mind thats been buggin me for several days.
Friday headed to town to meet ong up.it was a one to one kinda outing.omit the usual numbers we have,still must say it was fabulous.chatted lots regardin THE girl,sought lots of advices from ong which in helped in a way or another haha. thanks for accompanyin me to go get the belated xmas gifts for xiaoying. Topshop was where i got the pressies.and it was topshop,the place which THE girl suggested to me.
of so many outlets of topshop across the island,why in the name of RAT ASS would i head to Wisma's? because the accessories there is nicer?or that its because of the suggestions THE girl came up with? my mind cant really figure out an ans,however i guess my heart does,as i pen out the reasons,though as much as i hate it because its like a tell-all,bare all kind. i guess its because by goin there not only m able to get the gifts,but also,the naive me harbouring a little glimmer of hope in seeing her there.
sadly it didnt materialise.
chilled out for coffee till 6 before gettin stuffs for zann's bday.it was kinda cheapo judgin on the price, but hey thats 2 person payin and at the VERY LEAST, we bothered to buy for her la. paced down to PS to get a scheaffer pen for ong's beloved <-- awww sweet haha! costs a cool 50 bucks with the engraving. wad a memorable gift.Mr Lee better appreciate it man haha.
headed to suntec for crystal jade with parents.sumptous and gd.had a ball of time with sis's lame-ass jokes la.thereafter headed to aunt's place to crash for the night as promised.
FINALLY got to sit that brand new baby of mine!i can say its rightfully mine cuz i have a part to pay for that.next will be gettin a license,hopefully by year end, together with the commisioning,say if everything goes smoothly, that wld be a great thing to end 2007!
SAT: met up the cliques again!coolios.chilled had dinner over at vivo.had some cam-whoring sessions.raymond,m waiting for ur photos haha.realised that the Rayban shades which i ve got, i look better each time, the longer i wear 'em. shades and glasses do really "take" the shape of ur face over time! haha.will upload them up. Car-ed down to Selegie for pool-session and tao-huay break! haha. its a joy to see royce gettin his license and driving alr.all the more spurring me to get MINE soon too haha.
Then, lady luck hits twice! saw this cute girl playin with her frens at the pool table. saw her earlier at harbourfront's pastamania.with her giggling and fun loving attitude, it was eye-catchin la! cldnt believe my luck as to see her again at parklane.wads even more unbelievable is that our pool table is actually right beside herS! more giggling starts!i swear it must be that she cant believe that luck hits twice as to see us here in a matter of an hour. haha boy it was kinda deja vu shit. cursed myself for not pluckin the courage to go chat her up haha.
trained home to meet jur and the littles for teh sessions again. was gd.smoked more fags again,till my trachea hurts.damn astrology is true.they say taureans' weakest organ lies in the throat & neck area. so if thats accurate? WHY NOT TAURUS AND LEO? it differs big time man.damn the sadness virus starts comin all back again.
GOD, please pave my path of troubles now so i can see my route.
overall it has been a fan-tabulous wkend! passed and seen Little India.NExt stop, the REAL india next wk! haha
tata peeps! :)
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
Tears began swelling up my eye, as it prepares to trickle down to my left cheek. why is this happening? is it because of my sored eye thats causing such a reaction..... or sth deeper inside?
Nah its the reaction of the eye to constantly produce tear to keep my eye moist and sorta clean it. but saying all this, cld i using these as an excuse to mask my misery? perhaps.
Wads being so difficult to just keep in constant touch with u just so to get more acquainted with you? all i ask for was to get to know u more better,it aint as if i makin a bold move or sth ...YET. maybe its part of a girl nature to "play hard", i understand.but what i dont is that the way u show it, its like an indication that u zero interest.
Henceforth, i decided to pull the plug. i am out of this game. i shant be an irritant.
Its a foolish game that i shldnt have even a single thought of enterin in the first place.
"[Pre-chorus]
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...
[Chorus]
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart."
<-- Gotten this particular part from Jewel's song titled - Foolish Game
I guess the song said it all.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
I am in self damage control now.
Woke up today and found myself with a very bad conjunctivitis. Left eye is red like.....period.
Eye is as small as Jay Chou's.
Downed half a pack of fags in just a day yesterday.
Splurging money like no one's business. Keeping myself busy with lotsa activities and clubbing coming up.
Why? why am i doing this?
foolish you may think? inflicting all these "damages" (well not from my pt of view) on myself...all for wad? for someone whom i ve a connection with but a pity she dont appreciate a fuck bit.
Presumptions or self-assumptions, at the very least tell me that i m a bother and i ll know wad to do. its like wad ur doin,didnt really give me a chance to know what mistakes i ve erred.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
For once, i must say that chinese songs aint really that lousy. for once i shld correct my statements that i made about mandarin songs. sometimes chinese tracks is a perfect tonic, an excellent remedy to bring out the mood... bring out the sentimental side of someone. yeah..
Particularly into the world of Cao Ge rite now, thanks to my 2 wk buddy in OCS infantry Guofeng. its him who introduced me to the sweet melodies of mandarin songs. thanks buddy. in case ya din know, he's a pretty gd singer man, stil recall the nights where he wld hymm the music and streching his vocals using his diaphragm haha. coolios. he's a part time actor also, talented fella la. just wanna say thank u for makin the 2wks one to rmb. thanks buddy.
ok purpose of bloggin is not to say thank u or wad, but rather post a lyrics from one of 曹格's track, titled:
世界唯一的你
How~~~ Mmmm~
是你 第一眼我就认出来
这是命运最美丽的 安排
是爱 让你略过慢长等待
我们只要现在相爱 幸福就来
恨我来不及参于你的过去 抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换 我灵魂的另一半
这个世界唯一的你 是我拥有的奇迹
对我说的一字一句 都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你 无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌 我也愿意 我什么 都愿意
看~开 过去所有的悲哀 都只是训练我为你 勇敢 真爱
照亮了漆黑的夜晚 寻找了彼此一辈子 再不分开
恨我来不及参于你的过去 抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换 我灵魂的另一半
I Could Climb The Highest Mountain
I Would Swim The Deepest Sea (The Deepest Sea)
对我说的一字一句 都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你 无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌 我也愿意 我什么 都愿意
我愿意付出一切交换 我灵魂的另一半
I Could Climb The Highest Mountain
I Would Swim The Deepest Sea
就算要我上天下地
我什么都愿意为你
紧紧拥抱唯一的你 无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌 我也愿意 我什么 都愿意 Mmmm~
aint that meaningful? random quote.
gtg SSDC soon, gonna enrol to take basic theory, hopefully by then if i commission, i ve got a veh to drive.ha.
Han out!
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
its a cold melacholic monday.coupled with the emo tune of Straitjacket Feeling by The All American Rejects, wad can be more emo than that? ha.
Rejects, speakin of that, i cant help but think maybe i fall into one of the rejects category. 2 decades of my life, and i dont see any significant achievement in my life. i have nv been a bright student during my school days. can still vividly rmb my pri sch grades sucked so badly that i was treated to the cane by my dad. mathematics was nv my subj i can ace. so was science. i was just like a naive boy,playin catch, hiding from the discipline masters, cajoling the prefects in sch and not forgettin gettin an earful from all the teachers that taught me.
As i grew, sec days and poly werent exactly fantastic. it was ok but not any better. now hopes of entering a local uni is hanging by a thin thread. wads worse man. i must say that my attitude is sth that failed me too. obstinate,stubborn, slow learner, impatient and possessive are just a few to name.
My love department aint exactly a bed of roses as well. its one i ve always failed and nv to succeed, officially. expressive, daring and willing to accept rejection aint me. its the direct opposite. wads wrong with me man. am i ranting all these out just to show my dissatisfaction? or just to blurt everything out in hopin someone will pity me?
i m feelin real low now la. perhaps the sailing came timely.i shld just sail away with the wind.to a place of the unknown. to a place where i can forget all the sorrows and misery in motherland.
perhaps i shld just work hard and carve out a gd career in life.and pray to the above and hope for the best. my life is just like the tunnel in OCS. to reach the end, u gotta work hard, forget about the pain, concentrate on reachin the end, only den will u emerge from that darkness and savour the triumph.
i hate myself. i hate the fact that i aint an eloquent speaker.that i aint have a sweet mouth that can be charming. the fact that i aint expressive or the ability to communicate well. i m all fucked up.
*I just want you to know who i am. i just want you to know that i exist, and you existing in me*
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
1 wk of block leave. couldnt have come more timely den now. i guess life being a pre-mids is slack. maybe they figured that by keepin us there and do only research on current affairs would be a waste of time, it wld be better if they fuck us off for a wk. haha.
waste of resources to keep us there. however both sides r pleased.
1 wk is gonna be tight. gonna apply for basic theory, gonna start learnin drivin real soon so i wont need to rely on a certain SOMEONE. gonna hang out with frens, keep in touch before i sail off. gd buddy alex will be flyin off back to Aussie on sat, plans of throwin a farewell dinner for me with poly cliques r still on, and so on. needa get stuffs for MSTD. and of course...
the pursue of this special lady. navy gonna throw a social night sorta thing. have plans to ask. fingers crossed, pray me dude that things will go fine haha.
Obstacles are surmounting.and they never seem to be able to get it outta my way. Sailing, States, 1 yr to commissioning, potential rivalry in the love department RAH!
nuthing much basically. just in a random mood to blog. no worries, will be updating this page for the whole of this wk daily. and of course after comin back from sailin, photos!
it sucks to have fallen for someone so close, trust me its the last thing u wld ever wanna do, that is likin a fren's sis n stuff. cause its really delicate, pricky and stuff. but to hell with it...
I DONT GIVE A RAT ASS BECAUSE I AM SO INTO U NOW LA.
tata.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
As the song 髮如雪, track by Jay Chou was played out in the foreground of my desktop, i cant help but just think about what happened yest. Party-ied at Weiliang's place as it was his 21st bday. its like the 2nd visit there in a space of 2 wks, as usual, more drinkin more gambling. totally enjoyed the pple's company over there la. despite the fact that i aint really considered a member of the club, much less close to them on surface, but they treated me as dearly and friendly as everyone. appreciate it man.
At this point of time, just felt super nostalgic about certain stuff. not sure whether it was yest party, or sth to do with weiliang's place. it just felt unexplainable to me. perhaps its..... maybe thats.... oh well.
very soon, the whole keppel gang is gonna be disbanded...i think. jonathan headin to army in a wk, han heading to aussie for studies. Weiliang & Wee Jia might be headin to States for it too. gosh wad more can i say.
*Terrible, was what i felt yest. tried to reach out and speak, but somehow the timid me refrained. dumb. only spoke up after a loong time. presumably it didnt help much. if only u cld sense that i m tryin, but i figured u wont becuz ya wouldnt have interest in me! Conversation was short and abrupt i sensed.maybe becuz of the relatively distant relation, or that i just dun look pleasant n stuff.
Time's tickin, but i aint giving. With the struggles i face, its worth everything tryin,even it it leads to futility. Its because of u. *
will end here. got stuffs to pack up for book-in tonight. be back for updates in a wk i think.
bye world
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
Its a beautiful sat! Sun has been gd today, i guess its a sign of a gd new yr ahead. one that beams with optimism and radiance. totally spurred me to end this year well definitely!
managed to booked out yest from mids wing, senior were all ranting "Pls cherish ur fri bookout cuz this will be ur first and only fri bookout", some even said "wad u waiting for, go club man!" haha. i can foresee that life in mids wing aint gonna be easy. no doubt physical activities has been real slack, but mentally its tough. thank god pre-mids has a luxury of chillin out for 3 months before term starts. will pull thru man. donning the no.1 white suit on the parade square awaiting to be commissioned. nothing beats that!
ANYWAY I M GOIN CRAZY! totally went head over heels for someone right now la.
but yeah i aint gonna blurt it out, neither m i gonna just sit there n do nothing. aggressiveness with caution. whether ultimately she will realise it or better, accepts me, leaves to the hands of Fate. but den again its kinda a complicating issue because of the relation to her. haha oh well shant brood too much.
I VE JUST BOUGHT AN AVIATOR SHADES today! god damn happy la. its a damn unique aviator from Rayban. to be exact, for once i copied-cat the shades from sth haha. from Lincoln Burrows. Go figure. will upload a pic of me with that if i ve the time.
As mentioned today will be a gd day! headin out to meet my poly frens after not seein them for almost a month, thereafter chillout before headin to weiliang's place tonight for party. not that there's tonnes of alcohol and cigarettes to smoke out, but rather its some other matter. haha
The past is history. whats said is said, damage cannot be undone.however it can be salvage.its not the end UNTIL ITS THE END.
The future awaits in a tunnel of darkness. What beckons we do not know. but one thing we do know is to get things right in the present. which is NOW.
So i ask Neo Han Wei, u shldnt think too much. take things one step at a time.take it in ur stride. u fall, pick urself up and get movin again. Things will go just fine.
YEAH. totally relieved after readin what i ve typed. etched in me now like some kinda new yr resolution.
And to u girl, u have the choice to turn me down, but u cant stop the feelings in me, so the pursue is on!
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
i would say the last day of 2006 was a bittersweet feeling. not just on the whole yr alone, but on the eve of new yr's day as well.
before bookout on sat, dad mum came to my camp to have a lookaround. it was suppose to be a family visit thats arranged during the 3 wk confinement. but kudos to the 2006 calendar for 66/06 batch has no 3wks stay-on haha.
Soon i will be saluting my arms without that greenish uniform anymore haha!
Aye aye captain of the Howitzer haha.
gtg.be back for updates if free.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach
i m suppose to blog abt this when i came home on sat. but becuz my schedule was too packed. i din. thus i will pen this entry down before subsequently addin another entry in.
CLM fieldcamp was an experience i will nv forget. the whole 3 days 2 night saga was absolutely undescribable. it was far the worst field camp in my entire life haha. here goes :
1st day we were introduced to navigation skills.basically we were just told to move frm checkpt to checkpt with full battle order on. with the additional weight of the comms set and casevac stretcher, fuckin weighs a tonne. to add up to my misery, it was pouring since morning and the rain just went on and on. it was an utter all time low. however we were given the benefit of sleepin on our bed for the nite instead of outfield all thanks to our considerate wing commander.
as i took off my boots. it just poured. i figured that our boots is a gd storage tank for water if there's a need for more in future.
2nd day: we were given a task of 5 missions to do. it was sth like a SIT test kinda thing but this time with more fun and dirtiness. DIRT filth i mean. as officers to be, teamwork and camaradarie is impt, which is always emphasised. which is y wadeva we do, its always in a grp. and when we got fucked, its becuz of the former reason too. i can still vividly rmb 2 particular stations whereby we needed to built a shelter using bare minimum materials and all lie inside. our grd sheet formed as the shelter were put to the test. as the 13 of us in the section laid under the shelter, Lt wenjun poured and sprayed. got us totally soaked. but we had a ball of a time. all "taupok" on top of one another.
Last station was to get across the river by buildin a floatin raft.we have the choice of crossin the bank by walkin thru, but at the expense of sleepin with a soaked underwear later. so we built. by the 4th time the raft was to be used. it was all spoilt. some fucker i shall not mention. thankfully i only got one side of ma leg wet. azhar and weishen suffered. hahahaha recallin back the incident was all funny.
Night came.we were told to pitch our tents under the trees. conditions was totally bad.there's nothing much i can say abt it. coupled with the strong rain that poured. sleepin on a slope. everything just went wrong. it felt like the end of the world. but sth made me pull myself together and go thru. thots of this special girl in my mind made everything possible. but its sth impossible now. got turned out at 4. suffered shit. full gear on. did jumpin jacks,push ups sit ups all on the muddy sludgy fields. the field camp was officially ended with the arduous task of puttin the heaviest fella on the stretcher and carry him for 5km.
so tell me wads worse? haha.
and wee jia. thank you.
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
in heaven that we cant reach